Definition of a split second

What is the definition of a split second?

In Pretoria, it is the time it takes from the traffic light to turn green before the asshole behind you hoots at you.


So today, I'm sitting at the traffic light, needing to turn right off of Hans Strydom. I'm in my blue jetta, with my elderly (ill) uncle with me in the passenger seat, waiting for a spot.

I can't see past all the cars in the opposite direction. So you know what happens? The guy in the Fortuner behind me (because he can obviously see EVERYTHING) starts hooting at me.

This is so prevalent in Pretoria. If you don't pull away a split second after that traffic light is green, people start hooting. I am shocked at the language I hear women using in the mornings with their children IN THE CAR. People are getting more and more impatient with everyone around them. And they get rude and use language ten times worse than mine.





Now hear me, my fellow fanatics, the next time I get hooted at for not pulling away fast enough, I am going to pull up my handbrake, get out of my car, and hand the driver of the vehicle hooting at me a packet of tampax (note the use of tampax - it's really cheap and prone to causing discomfort and infection).

Then I'm going to casually climb back into my vehicle... and drive off.

Should I have any further problems, I'll just whip out my trusty cattle prod.




Please, if it is an emergency, put on your emergency flashers and I'll make way. But don't be the impatient, petulant child deserving of tampax.